"Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: 'I am with you kid. Let's go.'" - Maya Angelou

Monday, December 26, 2011

Merry Christmas!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! We certainly did. Although it was quiet, it was a nice couple of days to spend together as a family. Plus I now have three kids who are quite spoiled! lol


As you can see, the kids are pretty happy! lol Santa brought each of the boys a huge Lego Harry Potter set, and as of this morning... December 26th for cryin' out loud... they are both completely done! OMG! Natalie's having a lot of fun with her baby dolls & "sale-ing" us all of our stuff with her cash register. Pretty cute. And yes, I did get all of the boxes in the house cleaned up just enough that I could breathe for the holiday season lol. All in all we had a pretty great day. And plus, a perfect Vermont White Christmas to boot! :)
Hope you all enjoyed your holiday too!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

My PTSD


Before I type this out, please understand that I fully realize that I'm being an idiot. I completely understand that there are much much MUCH bigger things in this world that people worry about on a daily basis than our (former) problems. But hey, I call this blog my "diary" for a reason, so forgive me while I vent my feelings for a moment. ;)

Over the last 20 months I've been swallowing issue after issue. Problem after problem. Drama upon drama. Just handling it as it comes because I had to to survive it. To be the strong one for my kids and help my little family through it all. People would ask me all the time how in the world I was able to take it all, and I would just laugh & say "We're fine! It's just stuff. We'll get through it all & be stronger in the end." And I truly felt that at the time. Hell I still do, and I was right for the most part. We are fine. It was just stuff... Four of us are stronger because of it...

So why the hell am I falling apart now??

On one side of it, I am so blissfully happy. That part of our life is over. We are living in this beautiful place & I really do love it here. It feels more like "home" than anything else ever has. I have my perfect little family and because of that have more to be thankful for than many people in the whole wide world. But now that I don't have to "deal" with it all day after day I find myself completely freaking out at the littlest things and I fully know in the back of my brain that #1 it's all of that stress just now coming out & #2 that I really am being ridiculous.
We have been through entirely too much in our thirteen years together. More than most couples go through in their entire lives. The tragic & traumatic loss of my husband's father, the transition & ultimate loss of our family business, the loss of four pregnancies, a year & a half of fertility treatments to have our daughter, and then the whole losing our house to natural disaster- insurance being a PITA- robbed four times- moving across the country to escape fiasco. After all of that (and that's just a brief sweep over the stressful craptacularness that we've had to deal with) we have always come out of it with our heads held high & kept on going. So what the hell is my problem now? I think it's because now I have the breathing room to stop & think about it. I'm finally allowing myself to grasp what's behind us. It's like I realize now how much we have completely lost control over in our life & I am desperate to grab ahold of control over something & I can't.

It first was coming out in little spurts here & there. Freaking out over a mess in the kids' room. Getting thoroughly upset when the papers would pile up on the kitchen counter. New shower curtain in the bathroom caused this weird claustrophobia that I never knew I had & I freaked... Little panic attacks here & there that I could get over & move on.

But now? Now we have our stuff back from Kansas after all this time... & I have completely lost my mind. It's gone. Bye bye. See ya. Admit me to the looney bin & throw away the key.

It took three trucks *and* two u-haul trailers behind them to bring all of our stuff. (*vomit*) So much of it was either severely water damaged from the house (and they still gave it back to us so we could relive the awfulness of it. Awesome.) or it got irreparably damaged in the 1500 mile trek.
The rest was in 750 boxes of fun for us to go through. 750!!!! (Again, dry-heaving). It was unloaded in a matter of a few hours & we managed to fill three storage units and *still* had to bring 20 boxes or so back to our tiny rental house. (Commence panic attack!!) I felt like I couldn't breathe! Stuff was everywhere & I couldn't even so much as cook dinner because I couldn't get to my stove or my sink! AAAHHHH! Calgon take me away! So Mathew to the rescue starts to open the boxes and start to go through them. I feel a little better now because from the very first box we opened we could tell that we didn't have near as much junk as it would seem. In one huge box there was two cereal bowls and a saucer. That's it. (Plus a half of a trash bag full of paper). Oy. So even if we didn't get rid of a single thing (which we totally will) we still could downsize a ton just by consolidating the boxes. But we have to actually do that & doing that equals a huge mess in our already tiny house. Matt has gone through 100 boxes so far (I say Matt because I haven't been able to even go near them yet without my heart beating out of my chest) and has eliminated at least 40 of just those. But that means a) we have all of that trash to swim through with all of the paper to recycle and all of the broken down boxes and b) we have to store all of the boxes to keep until we can get through enough of a storage unit to start to reorganize it. So my reaction? I simply want to crawl into a corner until it all goes away all by itself. I don't want to deal with it anymore! Can't I just wake up one morning and it's all already done for me?!? No of course not. I know I need to suck it up and just deal with it. Just power through it all like I've always been able to do and get over it. It's just hard!!!

But I do know that we're in the home stretch. We just need to get through all of our crap & get rid of a lot of it and wait until we can move into our beautiful home & just live a normal life again. Once we can do that we'll be beyond perfect, I just know it. Now, if my heart could just tell my brain that so I stop freaking out I'll be all set...

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

One Step Closer...

As I type this message, our belongings are traveling somewhere across the United States toward Vermont! After 6 months notice of our move and a LOT of fighting with the insurance company to give us our damn stuff back, we're finally getting our wish! HALLELUJAH! I haven't the slightest idea what we're going to do with it all until we get to move into our house, but we'll figure it out! lol

Thing is, we've got a LOT of crap. A LOT. We had a 5,000 sq foot house prior to our farm home that was destroyed (only 2800 sq feet give or take), so a lot of stuff stored from that. Plus we had an office that we closed down, so a lot of stuff from that too. It wasn't that big of a deal living there at the time. A little cluttered, but not awful & a lot of the stuff was stored in the basement that we rarely looked at. But cramming it all into trucks has proved to be a bit overwhelming. We have THREE trucks coming with our stuff!

Oh. My. Gawd. I think I may be sick.

It's a little comforting to know that they were extra careful with how they packed our boxes (assuming from the few possessions we were initially given back so that we could function). The boxes were only packed 1/3 to 1/2 full and stuffed with paper, so I'm certain that we can pare down the amount by condensing some boxes right there. But rest assured, we are going to sell and/or donate probably 1/2 that crap. (Plus I have no idea if they are tossing or giving back the stuff that was irreparably destroyed. I think it's coming too, so there goes those things). We most definitely weren't hoarders. But we did collect a lot of things over the years & weren't great about getting rid of what we no longer needed. If we've learned anything at all from this whole ordeal, it is that we don't need near the "stuff" we thought we needed just two years ago. We've learned to live without & function just fine.

So tomorrow we will meet the movers at the storage unit & sigh a tiny sigh of relief. One step closer. One more step toward having this whole nightmare over with. I don't think I'll feel like it's really done until we're able to move into the house, be able to actually have all of our furniture & use our belongings again, let our kids have their own rooms again & have our whole life back. We're getting there, and we're about a billion times better than we were. But I just don't feel whole yet.
One step closer.

But hey, as of tomorrow, we will have a couch again! WooHoo! ;)

Sunday, December 11, 2011

We Really Are in the Paper!


You all thought I was making it up didn't ya? lol Hell, I would. Who writes a whole article about a family renovating a house? Well apparently this town does! lol Page three of the local paper with a color picture on the front leading you to it. Honestly, we're pretty excited about it. Makes us feel special. :) We've always loved this house, and I guess the rest of the town does too. It's pretty front & center in a major part of town, so a lot of people have been sad to see it fall apart over the decades. Here's hoping we can live up to their expectations now! :S
So I'll type out the article here for you since it's only available online with a subscription to the online paper. And I know that the vast majority of you know exactly who we are & where, but this blog is public & I do see some random readers on my stats (who the heck is reading about me from Russia!?) so I have blocked out our last name and other information for privacy. I haven't named our city up until this point, so for the sake of the article, in the spirit of the holidays & having recently watched White Christmas, we'll call it Pinetree, Vermont. ;) lol

Midwest Couple Plans to Restore Historic Area House
A Pinetree family is embarking on a "brave" adventure, restoring a Mansard-style home at the corner of (~) streets.
Mathew & Stacia G purchased the five bedroom home from Thelbert & Marjorie Brown. The faded yellow building, which sits next to the chinese restaurant parking lot, was purchased by the Browns in 1979.
According to the G's, they've been told the house was likely built around 1860, based on some interior design features common to that era, but they've been unable to locate a complete history of the home.
For the past 20 years or so, the home has been a curiosity, with local residents wanting to know who owned it, what the owners' plans were, and whether the dilapidated building would someday collapse or be torn down.
Mathew G said he has heard that the home was built by it's owner as a home for his mistress, but he makes no claim for the accuracy of that report.
The G's, along with children Mark 9, Gavin 8, and Natalie 3, moved to Vermont from Kansas City, Kan.
The couple began touring northern Vermont on vacations, primarily visiting the Lake Placid area and the Adirondacks. They became attached to the northeast and continued their exploration of Vermont into the Northeast Kingdom.
On a drive through Pinetree in 2000, the G's saw the house for the first time and it was love at first sight, according to Mathew. Mathew sent a letter to the Browns in 2002, and over the ensuing years, sent additional letters expressing interest in purchasing the home.
The couple connected with Maurice Chaloux, a Pinetree Realtor, who indicated the Browns held onto the home all these years because they wanted to sell the house to someone who would preserve it, not tear it down.
There's a happy ending to this story. After loving the home from afar for the last 10 years, the G family bought the house in August and have moved to the area. They are at work restoring the home to its former glory.
They know what they are doing. Mathew G is a real estate broker and has purchased and restored 40 properties since 1998 in St. Louis, MO and Kansas City. He's used to dealing with mold in the Midwest as well as lead paint and all the other hazards that come with saving derelict properties.
He's used to working with state agencies and historic preservation groups. He's gotten advice from energy efficiency organizations while renovating buildings in Missouri.
In Pinetree, he's already been up on the roof of his new project and has found it surprisingly solid. He's made it water tight and is going to replace the brick chimney.
With help from Stacia, who is a registered nurse in the bone marrow transplant program at Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center in Lebanon, NH, renovations are under way. The home will be the first renovation the G's have done entirely on their own and they hope to have it done in a year.
They'll keep the home true to its original design, but hope to make it energy efficient. The family will live in the home. The two oldest children are students at (~) School in Pinetree.
A search of the Pinetree land records the house was sold to Julia Johnson Nov 3, 1913 by John & Bessie Gale.
On Feb 17, 1941, Bernard and Julia Johnson deeded 8 feet along the front and side of the home to Pinetree. The town used the land to raise the sidewalk level 8 feet and built the retaining wall along the front. The construction was part of the construction of the Memorial Bridge on (~) Street in 1941.
On Feb 11, 1960, the home was purchased from James Campbell "for less than $100 consideration" and included "all of the household furniture, household supplies and equipment, also all tools and other personal properties kept on premises."
On May 3, 1974, the home was sold by B. Clark Johnson, executor of the estate of Julia Johnson for $22,500 to Leland and Diane Banister. Passumpsic Savings Bank foreclosed on the Banisters March 19, 1979 and documents stated the bank was owed $22, 329.
The bank in turn sold the home to the U.S. Veterans Affairs Administration. Max Cleland, with the VA, is listed as selling the home to Thelbert & Marjorie Brown Dec 3, 1979 for "$10 and other valuable considerations."
On August 8, 2011, the Browns sold the home to the G's. According to Pinetree records, the home, which was most recently listed on the Pinetree Grand List at $xx,xxx, was sold for $xx,xxx to the G's. The property tax bill was $x,xxx in 2010. (yes they really printed that!)
The home, according to a listing sheet, has 11 rooms with five bedrooms and two baths with a detached garage.

So that's our story! Pretty cool huh? Matt looked up the daily circulation info on the paper in which it was published. It goes out to 50 communities and is read by nearly 10,000 people each day. 93% of of our town itself is said to read the paper. So... basically that means that now eeeeeeverybody knows our business! lol We went to the Christmas Bazaar at the kids' school yesterday and already people were coming up to us saying "Hey! I read about you in the paper this morning!" lol And so it begins. Ha ha.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Santa Train

Okay, if I haven't said so already about a million times, I love this place! We're discovering more & more fun family things to do every week and the holidays certainly are no exception. This past Sunday we decided to take a little drive to a town called Rutland, VT where they held a Christmas train ride. So darn cute!! We sang carols & danced with elves & had cookies & milk. And we took a trip to the North Pole to visit Mrs. Claus. Then back we went to the train station where we got to meet with Santa & tell him what we wanted for Christmas. (Definitely made up for the first attempt at seeing Santa... yikes!) So instead of posting a bunch of pictures, here's a short slideshow of our fun day!
Super fun. Natalie was all jazzed up to see Santa until she saw him, then got crazy shy in her normal fashion. Oh well. Every kid needs a pouty picture on Santa's lap, right? lol At least she talked to him! :)

In other news, I know there are most of you that I "talk" to on facebook or may have talked to you since I've shared, but I just *need* to share it here too. I got a new position at work!!! When we moved here I applied to the Heme/Onc Special Care Unit and the PICU. Unfortunately for me as an RN, kids who have cancer around here and need intense treatments & bone marrow transplant (the kind of practice that I've always done) they go all the way to Boston. (A bit too much of a commute for me!) So HSCU hired me & I've been working with adults. I've learned a ton & the people I work with are *amazing* (Seriously. I could go on & on about how fabulous they are!), but I still feel sad going to work. I miss taking care of kids so much it hurts! So on a whim I checked out the jobs board & low & behold they had positions posted for both the peds unit and the PICU (that one I applied for over the summer never got filled). Well I talked to my supervisor and begrudgingly asked if I could apply. She took one look at me and said, "I just knew it was coming!" with a smile. She's wonderful. :) So I applied for both & was interviewed for both on Thursday. (PICU said they never got my application this summer. Weird). Anyway, oddly enough I got a call from HR on Sunday morning offering me the choice of either position!!! OMG! After meeting with them both I decided I felt PICU was the better fit for me, so that's what I chose. AHHH!!! I'm so unbelievably excited! I'm nervous because I have so much to learn, but I'm super stoked to be taking care of little ones again. With med doses I understand. With cartoons, and baby dolls, and child life, and toys, and... cuteness! And for some reason, in my twisted little head, taking care of really sick kids is better than taking care of really sick adults. With adults, they just seem sad. And they suffer so much and to me it feels like it's all futile. We do all of these awful things to them to save their lives & more often than not it feels like we just cause more suffering until there's no more that we can do. When kids are really sick, I still always feel like there's hope. That they have this potential full life ahead of them just waiting until they get over this hurdle that they're going through. No one wants to see a child hurt, but I always took pride in being a part of what made them better! I can't wait to be a part of that again! :)

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Happy Turkey Day A Little (okay, A LOT) Late!


Oh my gosh it's been so long since I've updated!! Things have been so terribly busy I haven't had much time to sit in front of a computer. (And frankly, when I did have time, I didn't really wanna! lol) But, the good news is that we haven't had anything majorly dramatic to report. (I know, right? SHOCKING!) We've gotten nowhere with the investigation into our most recent theft, so that still hangs in the balance. But we will more than likely not be covered for our loss. There's not much more to report on that front. We've been having some difficulty with time & weather (and pain where Matt's concerned), so we don't have a whole lot more to report on the house either. We're pretty much in planning mode right now. (Should we put in floor heating? Where should the skylights go? How about a fireplace?... that kind of thing). So... blah. I'm boring right now. Which I think is totally a good thing! :) How often does that happen for us?? ;)

So just like everyone else, we celebrated Thanksgiving last week. Bittersweet day. SO very wonderful to have a day to spend together & reflect on how very grateful we are for what we've been blessed with. But even in Kansas City I don't think we ever had a holiday where we didn't at one point get to see at least some family. So all that food just for the five of us was a little sad. :( It's worth every sacrifice to move our lives here, but that's the one thing that bothers me the most. I miss having family (relatively) nearby! Maybe next year. But we did have a great day together, and Matt & I slaved away at a wonderful delicious meal all day long that the kids barely ate... just like every year! lol ;)

I did have to work the day after Thanksgiving, which to me is a holiday in and of itself: BLACK FRIDAY!! I love it! I'm a crazy person, I know. But it's fun for me! lol So whereas I thought I was going to have to miss out on my shopping, I was super excited to find out that WalMart had their sales beginning at 10pm on Thursday. Yes, I tucked my kids into bed, then went out to brave the crowds. Again, I admit I'm a crazy person. So there are two WalMart stores relatively nearby to us. One is 15 minutes away & smaller, and the other is 25 minutes away & huge. I went to the big one. Holy Cow! The Vermont/New Hampshire shoppers are just as crazy as anywhere else. It was super busy & I underestimated them by arriving at 10:01 instead of waiting by the palates ready to pounce. Lesson learned. lol But I had fun & got nearly everything on my list and was home and asleep by midnight! :) Totally unfair though, my dear sweet husband got to relax & sleep in, make the kids breakfast & head out around 10 AM, and decided to check out the smaller WalMart just to see what they had left. They still had everything!! People were still walking out with the doorbuster TV's!! SO uncool! lol Again: lesson learned! But hey, the good news is, for a totally broke couple with three kids who moved halfway across the country, my kids should still have a good stash of fun under the tree this year! ;)

And... speaking of the tree! :) We put up our first real tree this year. When in Rome, right? First of all, the rental house it pretty little, whereas our house has some pretty grand ceilings, so we didn't want to buy a new artificial tree that didn't work in the space (our previous tree was a KS casualty). Plus, a family from the kids' school was selling trees from their farm to benefit the school, so win-win! :)
Turns out, I'm probably allergic, but now that I'm not touching it anymore the welts have healed so no big deal! lol ;). We had a lot of fun decorating it (it only fell once! lol) and taking our family picture under the tree. We still don't have our stuff from ServPro, so we don't have any of our family ornaments or household decorations this year, but we've gotten pretty good at dealing with what we have & I think we have a pretty cute tree. Next year will be amazing & beautiful, (that is if they ever do finaly give us our stuff back! lol)but this year? This year we are going to focus on each other. We're going to be so happy to have a home to celebrate in & each other to hug that we are so not going to care that we don't have the perfect lights or if we're swimming in ceramic Santas. Plus, we'll have the most beautiful winter wonderland of a view that who cares what's in our house!
Goofballs. ;)

Tomorrow we're going to try again with visiting Santa (if you're a facebook friend you totally know what I'm talking about. If not, I'll explain later!) I'll do my best to update sooner! Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving too!